Tired.

:) I saw Shinobu's true answer, and I'm so glad I was able to help him ^ ^
Silly Shinobu, of course I'll worry for him =3=
I'll be looking forward to Subway soup supper >:D

I woke up at 7.11am when my alarm is 7.15 cccccccc:
I really hate Wednesday and Thursdays, because my lessons are always so early in the morning. 8.30am and 9am respectively T_T
Right now I've just finished my breakfast, and I haven't even decided what clothes to wear today LOL

Another memento! From Dottie this time ;w;

Tubbs came to visit! But left less fish this time :c

Hope today will go okay, as usual *clasps hands together*

(Update: 7.10pm) Nah, today wasn't okay at all.
Today was like shit.
Just like how I'm feeling and how my face is showing now.
Though I usually feel like shit after long days at school, honestly lol. The energy's all gone.
I was still fine in school though? Of course not completely fine since I was a little stressed out presenting in class, but school itself wasn't that bad. It's like normal.
But after school, I started getting tired.
The first hour after school still wasn't bad. Think it was towards the end of the second hour. My mood and spirits started going down.

Was it because of the stock trading game?
Was it because of my friend, who came to join us after her CPE interview, who's been talking and talking about her own shares, how she's been investing (very very detailed), commenting on our investment like what we should do, and stressing me out?
Was it because my partner and her talked and talked intently, seeing what other shares to invest while at that point, I felt tired and couldn't be bothered to research anymore?
Was it because despite my tiredness, I just gave in and continued smiling and joining the conversation?

I think it's everything. And more.

I don't know why, but at some point, I started to feel really lousy.
Because I realized when I get tired (and get tired easily), I don't want to continue any more.
I don't have that optimism or spirit to continue on, unlike my partner or other people who takes things more easily.
It's times like this I really cannot stand myself. Why do I get down so easily? Why do I stress so much and make things so hard for myself? Why can't I take life easily and relax when I can?
Also, despite not doing well in academically, I still cannot focus much during lectures and tutorials. Short attention span or just laziness?
I feel so lousy. Amongst my peers, I feel so lousy.

Deep down somewhere in my heart, a part of me hates myself. For being who I am. For being like this.
When will I learn to accept every part of myself?
When will I learn to love every part of myself?

And wow, when I'm typing this post, Shinobu sent a "Are you okay?" message. Is he psychic or something c:

(Update 9.45pm): 'Nyway, I feel much better after resting and re-energizing at home after a couple of hours (even feeling the appetite for supper oops =3=), so I shall post the rest of what I did today.
Went to school as per usual, and had MACC tutorial at 9am.
I ended up presenting one of the questions there, even though I was contemplating if I should because I don't really understood that topic. However, I understood the solution, hence the question looks manageable to present so I agreed to do it (we usually discuss in groups and take turns to present).
So I gained my tick for class participation marks, yay c:

Moving on.

After class, I immediately headed 6 floors straight down to our food court 4 (koufu) to meet my friend, who reached school 15 minutes before class was dismissed hahahaha, so I didn't want to keep her waiting anymore. She came to join me for lunch c: Isn't that nice of her. She does that every week ever since our new semester started. XD

But when I met her, she told me she wants to sell her stock, so I sat and waited for her for like so long =3= My mood kind of went down a bit. But she was finally done and apologized for keeping me waiting, so it's okay.

Our lunch! c:

LOL I totally regretted buying the pork ribs. It's so hard to chew X_X The cereal prawn and rice was also quite dry. Spinach is cold. So overall, the food was meh XD

Since I ordered a lot, I took a while to eat, and my friend was pressurizing me to hurry up because she wants to print some stuff before our AFA lecture later. Haiz... but she also apologized so it's okay.

In the printing room, she also re-binded our AFA notes with the notes I printed at home c: Aww she appreciates my printer ink and paper x.x (Why I printed is because our teacher at first told us to print online, but after that it was printed together with the new lecture notes too. What the shit)

After that, we headed to lecture at 1pm.

When lecture was over, I headed to the area outside our lecture theatre with my partner to start discussing our stocks T_T This is where my mood and energy all tumble down.

Initially before our meeting, I always thought it'll be short since we'll just discuss our plans. But we decided to stay until the market closing time at 5pm to buy/sell our stocks if we want to XD

Did our investment tutorial while waiting, but after my friend joined us, we realized that tomorrow our teacher's only going through our test papers, and the tutorial we're doing is for next week. LOL

Ahh never mind. Consider lightening our workload for next week with this :D

Then we just discuss and discuss and discuss, while I watched our losses slowly decrease and increase, and thought of investing in SIA shares, since they're one of the only few stocks being stable while the rest of the stocks are falling. We bought SIA shares in the end, just before the market closes! 1,800 shares SIA @ $11.110. The market closed at $11.100 T_T

So now, I'm praying to investment gods to bring up the share price when the market opens tomorrow . But as you know, they never listen to me...

Left school around 5.10pm, and reached home close to 6pm. Had 冬粉菜汤 for dinner today c: First time mom's cooking this! She cooked the veggie soup before but not the noodles with the soup hahaha

Then later at night, I was complaining to my mom that since my brother always sleeps earlier at night (because he wakes up later like 1-2am+ in the morning tsk), I couldn't play the piano as a result and it's really annoying. But she told me to ignore him and just play, as just because someone is sleeping, doesn't mean the others at home can't do what they want! c: Now of course this sounds very bad, but he keeps sleeping so early every night, and I can't take it already. I miss my piano! :c So I played c:

See, I even played so softly so he won't wake up. Tsk

Then while I was playing piano, my sis and my dad came back from the airport. She flew to Bangkok for the past few days. For a break. 

And bought me this dress:

Personally I think it looks cute c: And my friend says I look pretty in it~ Makes me even more tempted to wear this for CNY day 1 hahaha! But she was wondering why I was wearing stockings with it, and I told her because it's short @_@

And by short, I meant really short c:

Lol that's the length between my new dress with my other dress. You see the difference? That's why I have to wear stockings so my panties won't be seen when the wind blows cccccc:

She bought me more socks. I keep forgetting to tell her not to buy me any more socks because as you can see, I hardly ever wear socks at all. I mean, these type of socks. I only wear them at home honestly @_@

So my mood got a little better, and I retreated to my room and started blogging this. But soon after, something shitty happened -.- I ranted the whole situation to Shinobu (poor guy, he faced all my angst from today's shit) when my feelings was at its peak, so I'll just screenshot and put here:

When I was done, he tried to console me.

When it comes to things like this, I always don't want to show my crying in front of anyone. Even if I'm sitting alone in my room now, anyone can just come in (or barge in like my sis -.-) any time, so I don't want to cry. Yes I know I'm weird, but I don't like it when people know that I cry, and show concern because I don't want them to know that I'm sad. I don't know why, but I just don't like it.

Even when I'm just watching a sad scene with other people. I try not to cry. I just keep it all in and cry silently before I sleep at night. I feel much more comfortable this way. 

Anyway, that's the gist of the situation, so I'm not going to talk about it again.

Today is shit.

Why was it that yesterday and today is so different?

Just last night, I even enjoyed shark fin soup supper with Shinobu.

How can things change so fast?

More light hearted stuff:

NEKO ATSUME UPDATES:

This morning otw to school in the train. Another memento! ;w; From tabitha the meow~

Later in the lecture, my friend checked her Neko Atsume, so I checked mine and got another memento! Socks my favourite meow beside Tubbs <333333333

Then otw back home, my friend LINEd me and said she bought a pretty theme (twinkle theme), and set the passcode because it's cute. So I tried setting the passcode, and this is how it looks like! ;w; Passcode is for locking the chats so you can't see the message the person sent, but it gets annoying over time because I always have to enter the code twice just to see the message. Once for the lock screen, twice for the LINE message >.> Ridiculous

Tubbs meow came <3

Random snapchat from my friend. Her dogs <33 Literally have the faint expression

One of her dogs, Oreo! Her expression is soooooooooo cute, I just have to post here *w* She's acting innocent after destroying one of my friend's pen, but never mind, sooooooo cutee <333

All complaining about the school's bad WIFI connection recently XDD 

It's almost 11pm.

I shall go sleep now.

Need to wake up early tomorrow to check stocks *sigh*